Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
