Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
