I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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