i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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