Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
