UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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