Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
