i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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