he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
