You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
