omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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