I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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