Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
