no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
