and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
