operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
