you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize