We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
