Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
