The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
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I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
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My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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