I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
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