Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
