Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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