everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
