I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
