Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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