Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
