i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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