dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
