you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"