i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious