we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,