What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
