it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
