I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
