it was like eating out sand paper
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
