I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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