I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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