The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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