thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
