fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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