trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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