I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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