Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
