2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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