im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
