it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
