my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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