shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i think i just lost a toe
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
