If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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