Nicole vs. Life
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
