Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
