I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
