I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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