I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
