I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
