Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
