There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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