You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
