Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
