Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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