I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
