whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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