My room smells like vodka and shame
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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