Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
