Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
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Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
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He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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