it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Randomize
