Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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