She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
