You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
