yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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