So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
