if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
worst night to have a conscience
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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