some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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