we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
