i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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