If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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